How fortunate I was to come across this 2 lp set “Music to Keep Your Husband Happy” while poking through my albums recently. One record featured music to strip by, the other to belly dance to. And, as the cover promised, the set included special instruction booklets.
Imagine my joy when I found that these booklets were still enclosed in my copy.
According to spaceagepop.com the record was recorded in the mid-1960s by Sonny Lester and his Orchestra, inspired by a skit performed by Ann Corio (America’s most famous strip teaser) called “How to Strip for Your Husband,” featured in the Broadway revue “This Was Burlesque.”
“Lester . . . brought in a group of 11 musicians, adapted some stock arrangements, and cranked out the album in one session. [As this sample proves.] Soon after, Corio appeared on “The Jack Paar Show” and plugged the album, and overnight the records started flying out of stores. Over 3,000 copies were sold in Boston alone the next day. Newspaper coverage of a woman who was caught shoplifting a copy from the record section at Macy’s helped build the record’s notoriety.”
Must have been a slow news day.
“How many husbands actually succeeded in convincing their wives to follow the enclosed instructions and perform forbidden dances in the living room (or the rumpus room) is unknown, but the success of the first album lead Roulette [the record label that released the album] to release five more in its wake.”
In reprinting some pearls from Ms. Corio from the instruction booklet, I hope that at least one marriage will be saved.
Before we get started, another word for stripper is ecdysiast, Ann Corio’s debut picture was called Swamp Woman, and she appeared on the “Tonight Show with Johnny Carson” twice.
Ms. Corio had, as of 1965 when this record was released, been “keeping men up nights for twenty years” so she certainly knew her stuff.
Apparently, a dwindling sex life could be us ladies’ fault to begin with. Ms. Corio asks “How did you look when you turned out the lights? Were you still the pretty little thing he married? Was your complexion peaches and cream . . . or bleaches and cold cream? What about your nighty? Was it midnight lace or morning-after burlap?”
I, for one, have always favored pajamas made of burlap, so took notice.
Even if you’ve kept yourself up, it could be that comfort has brought complacency to the nuptial bed.
Ms. Corio reassures us: ”Unless he’s stopped using a man’s deodorant and started using yours, I wouldn’t worry too much. There’s nothing with him or you either that this album won’t cure.“
She promises to share hints that she’s picked up “on and OFF the burlesque stage over the years. . . if you take them, you can take your husband off the Metracal.”
In other words, your husband will be having so much sex he will no longer need to diet. If he’s underweight, use the techniques below sparingly lest he waste away to nothing.
To begin, put the “HOW TO UNDRESS IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND” LP on the hi-fi.”
Ms. Corio emphasizes: do not undress in the bathroom. This is right out. Disrobe, not behind, but in front of him. Yes, that’s right. Now you get the picture!
“Don’t trade a dress for a dressing gown! Any man will tell you: NOTHING LOOKS BETTER ON A WOMAN THAN ANATOMY. So take off the gift wrap and let him see the merchandise.”
Employ a pink bulb, or toss a red silk scarf over the shade to further set the mood.
“The first thing to remember about taking it off is taking your time! So overdress! Strip tease means exactly what it says, so once you’ve brought him to a boil. . .let him simmer.”
Another tip? Wear earrings. “Every man knows that when a woman takes off ONE earring, it means she is going to use the phone; when she takes off BOTH earrings, it means she means business.”
The next instruction is confusing: “Undress as far away from the clothes closet as possible. .. so you’ll have to cross the bedroom to hang up your dress.”
I will go out on a limb here and say that it is not necessary to spend time hanging up your clothes as you strip. Surely, this dampens the mood.
Also: Don’t take it all off. “Every stripper worth her zipper knows that you have to leave a little something on.” Have him help you “with that hard-to-reach snap on your Lovable. I always say there is nothing like a balky bra to encourage tenderness.”
I am not sure about the use of the word “Lovable,” but Ms. Corio is the expert.
As we wind up the evening’s entertainment, don’t forget to dawdle over the long black nylons that she suddenly mentions you are supposed to be wearing. “Remember the time it takes to roll down a silk stocking can spell the difference between mink and mink-dyed muskrat!”
“And, last but not least . . .Before you turn down the light. . . turn OFF the hi-fi. . . if he doesn’t suggest a second honeymoon after tonight. . . my name isn’t Ann Corio!”
That is indeed her name. So I trust that this is a foolproof method to save your marriage and get a mink coat out of the deal.